Maturity of the parent through Adult Consciousness
Unlike the focus of a conventional parenting manual, the approach of TransParents concentrates primarily on the inner state of the adult who cares for the child, rather than on changing the childish behaviour itself.
Once we have this knowledge, however, the true linchpin for achieving a deeper connection with children is our inner mindset, as this affects the very way in which we interact with children.
We distinguish between two inner mindsets that are familiar to almost all adults:
In the case of the first mindset, which we term ‘adult consciousness’, we are calm, relaxed and humorous, or we have enough ‘inner space’ to calmly cope with the stressed parts of us when we find ourselves under pressure. In this state, we are able to tune in to our intuition and know the correct course of action without needing a parenting manual.
The second mindset is termed ‘child consciousness’. In the case of this mindset, we often feel stressed, under pressure or at the mercy of someone else or of the situation. Our mind is also full of worries, we agonize over things, and we have a need to be right. We may also try to be nice all the time and always there for others. Most of all, however, we want to meet others’ expectations and get anxious and stressed when we have to stand up for ourselves.
On the whole, a ‘child consciousness‘ gives us little leeway in the way we react. Most of the time, we lack a sense of humour and believe that something is wrong with ourselves, with our children or with others in general. We often look for someone else to blame for the situation. We may be self-critical and extremely hard on ourselves and on others, may want to work hard at improving ourselves, may neglect our own needs and unintentionally create a very exhausting life for ourselves.
The term ‘child consciousness‘ tends to indicate that a person feels dependent on some external factor changing (e.g. a child[SB1] ’s behaviour, the world, one’s partner, etc.) for us to be able to cope with it. Consequently, an adult who displays child consciousness exhibits dependency, just like children are dependent on their environment. An adult with an ‘adult consciousness’ feels more independent, which removes a significant amount of burden.
Based on this knowledge, TransParents primarily focuses on helping adults build a healthy relationship with themselves, rather than promoting methods to deal with their children. As a result of this focus, our connection to our children deepens almost automatically, especially in ‘difficult’ situations. Our learning goals are therefore as follows:
- 1We are curious to find out whether we are identifying with ‘child consciousness’ or whether we are connected to an inner state of open-mindedness and interest.
- 2We are keen to explore the deeper meaning behind our behaviour, especially when we want to change it. This understanding provides the foundation to create more space and compassion for ourselves.
- 3We would like to acquire specific tools with which we can strengthen our adult consciousness and improve our ability to react in challenging situations.
The resource-oriented support that we provide for parents and pedagogical professionals is based on the principles of the psychotherapeutic NARM model according to Dr. L. Heller. NARM is a method of psychotherapy aimed at treating attachment and developmental trauma. https://drlaurenceheller.com
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